The Truth About "That" Boy

There's a certain kind of boy in this world that no doubt you will encounter at some point in your life. Hopefully it won't be you that has to face the complications of "that" boy, but you may find him as a boyfriend of a friend. "That" boy is the worst kind of boy. He's the wolf in sheep's clothing. Like Satan, he prey's on his victim, slowly drawing them in. He never attacks quickly, instead he's methodical and careful in how he draws in his victims.

The first sign that you've encountered "that" boy is that he showers you with gifts and attention. That's what makes him so deceiving. Your initial impression is, "Wow! What a catch!" That's all part of his plan to draw you in and rely on him. He's not just trying to gain your favor, he's trying to gain the favor of your friends and family. Once he has captured your attention and admiration, that's when the change begins.

"That" boy will change very slowly. He will most likely start by pulling you away from your friends. He'll want all of your attention so that you'll rely only on him. Like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, he'll entice you with his words, making you question the validity of what your friends and family say, all the while assuring you that he is the all knowing one. Now he has your attention and your reliance on him. You have now started to round the corner into the most critical turn in the road.

The next part of the journey involves tearing you down. Like I said earlier, this is a slow process. He'll start by criticizing your choice in friends or maybe the way you dress. Whatever the criticism, it will start small, just a tiny snowball. However, as he gains momentum, that snowball will grow and grow until it's uncontrollably big. You'll try to slow it's momentum as it comes thrashing down the hill, but you can't. Now he's insulting your intelligence, your self worth, he has you believing that you're unlovable. The scary part is that you start to believe him. When he tells you that no one will ever love you and that you're lucky to have him because no one else would have you, you actually believe him!

One of the worst things that can happen with "that" boy, is that you not only believe him, you believe you can't live without him. Suddenly you realize that you're miserable with him, but you have so much invested, after all, he's separated you from your friends and made you completely reliant on him. Every time you try to break it off with "that" boy, he convinces you that you are not lovable and he is the best thing that every happened to you and ever will happen to you.


Let me tell you, precious daughters, you most certainly CAN live without him and are better off without him. "That" boy is insecure about himself, so he made you insecure about yourself. God created you in His image and you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Don't believe ANYTHING "that" boy says!


I have prayed everyday for you and your future spouses. I believe with all my heart that God will bring you special men that will treasure you as much as your father treasures me. The best way to avoid "that" boy is to remember how special you are and that God loves you. You don't need to find self value in "that" boy, you need to find it in God.


My personal encounter with "that" boy has lived with me since I met him, but with experience, comes wisdom. I have no doubt that God has used and will continue to use that encounter to help others avoid "that" boy. Although "that" boy affected me deeply for many years, I've chosen not to continue believing his lies, instead I stand on God's truth. I pray that if you ever encounter "that" boy yourself, you will have the wisdom to recognize his true identity and run the opposite direction. I love you dear daughters.

You Deserve to be Cherished

To my sweet daughters, it's been way to long since I last wrote to you. Whenever you read this, if you think back in time, you'll remember how busy we were when I wrote this to you. My neglecting of your blog is only because I have been showering you with my time. :)

As I've mentioned before, I have been praying for your future spouses since before you were born. I often wonder about them. Who are they? Do we already know them? Are they living a good life or is life difficult for them? Most of all, I pray that they are growing to be God honoring men. I pray that they are growing to be fully devoted followers of Christ, just as I pray that for you. I believe that if they are fully devoted to Christ, then they will treat you like gold! The Bible is clear on how men should treat their wives, therefore, they'll treat you as God intends a husband to treat his wife.

Recently I was reading Ephesians 5:22-30 and couldn't help but think how much the secular world frowns upon this idea of marriage. Verse 22 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." It goes on to say that the husband is the head of the wife. I think so many non believers get stuck on this idea that wives are to be submissive and take whatever the husband dishes at them. I, however, don't think that's what scripture is saying at all! If you read on in verse 25, Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Husbands are to be equally respectful to their wives as wives are to their husbands. Most of all, what scripture is saying through words like, "as to the Lord" and "as Christ," is that marriage is to be GOD CENTERED! A marriage is set up to fail if God is not the center. Although marriage has been fairly easy for your father and me, even with God as the center, it won't always be easy, but it will be good. That's because God is perfection and will bless your marriage if you honor Him.

Another key point that I don't want you to miss is found in verse 27, "So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." What I'm about to say is extremely important! If you are dating a young man and he is not living for Christ, run! If he pressures you about anything, run! If he says the only way you can prove your love to him is by sleeping with him, RUN FAST! A true, good man will TREASURE you and RESPECT you. A true, good man wants nothing more than to meet you at the alter completely cleansed and pure because he loves God and he loves you and wants to honor you both.

Finally, I conclude with a short, simple verse that I think says it all. Verse 30 says, "Because we are members of His body." What I think Paul is saying is that husbands and wives treat each other as the Bible says because we belong to God. God lives in us and wants nothing more than to have our hearts! I love you!

"For Such a Time as This"

It’s been quite awhile since I posted a blog for my sweet girls. It seems I’ve had trouble managing my time well and have been so busy keeping up with all that I’d like to “keep up” with. Rest assured, loved ones, that just because I don’t get something written on the blog for you, you’re never far from my heart and mind. Today I want to talk to you about God’s plans. I’ve been attending my Women’s Bible Study and we’re currently working through Beth Moore’s study “Esther.” I’m only half way through it but it has weighed heavily on my heart how God calls us for “such a time as this.” Sometimes God will call us to places, physical or emotional places, because He is going to need us in that place to accomplish His work. For Esther, it was as queen of the Persian Empire. She was chosen to be queen by the king after a lengthy process during which she found favor in the king’s eyes. As an orphan raised by her cousin, Mordecai, she hid her identity as a Jew from the king at the request of Mordecai. To make a long story short, Mordecai upset the king’s “right hand man,” Haman, by not bowing down to him. Haman then convinced the king to put to death all Jews in the kingdom. You see, God placed Esther in the royal family “for such a time as this.” She alone could convince the king to spare the Jews. This was not an easy task for Esther, but God equipped Esther and placed her just where she needed to be.

There will be times in your life where God will put you in a place “for such a time as this.” It may not be as influential and weighty as Queen of Persia, but none-the-less as important. When God places you in these places, they may be really tough places, but rest assured, God will equip you and guide you every step of the way and through the process, GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED!

By the time you read this, the following event will be a distant event in the past, but I want to share with you a time just a couple of years ago that God placed me somewhere for “such a time as this.” Our family spent 5 years at a church that God called us to so that we could accomplish His will for us during that period of our lives. A lot of wonderful things came from that church. We grew in our walk with the Lord in our time there and it’s also where we met some of our closest friends and, most notably, our “extended family,” the O’Malley family. It was a quaint little church of about 200 people, give or take 50 people, depending on the season. A few years into our time there, God called me to be a part of the staff. Dad and I had no doubt that was where God wanted me. My time on staff started out beautifully. God was teaching me so much about Himself and myself and I loved having a part time job after being out of the workforce for so many years to be your mother full time. However, after about 4-5 months after joining the staff, God began to open my eyes to some things that just weren’t right with the pastor. What followed was 1 very difficult year, but I had to trust that God had a plan for me and called me there for “such a time as this.” Although the church was God’s church and his Hand was most definitely at work in the lives of the people there, the problem still needed to be addressed. I believe with all my heart that the pastor was a very broken man that needed God’s healing, however, he was resistant and blinded to it and was surrounded by people that had enabled him to continue in a destructive path for a very long time. Although many people had been deeply wounded by him, there had yet to be a time that anyone truly stepped up and spoke out against the entire situation. God not only empowered me to speak up, but He also empowered a group of people around me to also speak up. Together, and with A LOT of prayer, we followed God’s gentle urging and spoke up because God had called us “for such a time as this.” We did what God called us to do and then we stepped back to let God do what He needed to do. It was NOT an easy time for me, but God directed me to TRUST Him and move on.

You will experience times in your life that will be difficult, hurtful and painful, but remember that God has you exactly where He needs you to be. He has called you for “such a time as this.” I promise you that whatever the situation may be, you will walk away stronger in the Lord because of it.

The Gift of Forgiveness

I've lived long enough to have my share of experiences where apologies are owed either to me or from me. Humbleness and humility are not always easy to master. As a follower of Christ, I pray regularly that I learn to practice these qualities well. As a mother, I offer forgiveness freely to you, my daughters, just as our heavenly father offers it to us. I'm also quick to apologize to you when necessary not just because I owe you an apology but also because I want you to see that forgiveness is a beautiful gift for both the forgiver and the forgiven. In fact forgiveness is often more healing for the person offering it than it is for the person receiving it. My heart is that I never hurt someone requiring me to apologize, but I recognize that I am human and all humans, some more than others, are sinful by nature. I pray that I am ALWAYS aware when my actions result in the need for me to humble myself and apologize.

So, what do you do when the apology that is owed to you never comes? By far my hardest time with this concept came several years ago when we realized that the only way we could move forward and regain our lives after Dad's accident was to forgive the drunk driver that forever changed our lives when he hit Dad and severely injured his spine. That young drunk had absolutely no remorse for his actions, but our anger was holding us back from embracing the new life God had for us. After a lot of prayer, God freed us from that anger and opened our hearts to forgive him. It was life transforming for us once we forgave him.

Occasionally there will be times that you may be hurt by another Christian. I'll admit from my own experience, the pain can be much deeper when it comes from a Christian rather than an unbeliever. I tell you this because they may not ask for forgiveness despite the fact that they serve the same God you serve. All you can do is pray. Pray that God would open their eyes to the pain they caused you and pray that God will give you a heart of forgiveness even if that apology is never offered. I promise you, forgiving them will heal you more than you could ever imagine.

Girls, please know how much you are loved and although I pray regularly that you won't have to experience the pain that life can bring, God will use all the pain that comes your way to mold you and grow you into the woman He desires you to be. Embrace His love, forgive freely and live a life of humbleness and humility so that forgiveness becomes a natural characteristic of your life.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's
power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace is a word I've used to define my life. By "grace," I mean God's unbelievable gift of forgiveness despite my unworthiness. It took me a long time to truly wrap my mind around God's grace. It wasn't until my early 30's that I completely let go of the guilt and shame I'd carried with me up until that point. Although I had been a Christian for awhile at that point, I hadn't released everything to Him. As much as I loved the Lord and had faith in Him, I was still holding onto several aspects of my life; I went with His Will only when it was my will and for some unexplainable reason, I just couldn't let go of that guilt and shame. Although the circumstances that caused that shame were so painful, I'd lived with that pain so long that it had become a part of me. It wasn't until the months following John's accident that I poured myself into prayer and scripture in a way I never had before. During that time, God convicted my heart so much that I slowly released my firm grasp on my guilt and shame. I AM a child of God and God loves me NO MATTER what. My sins died with Christ on that cross and I've been washed white as snow, as long as I'm willing to receive it. Wow! How sweet it is to rest in His grace!

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in
accordance with the riches of God's grace. Ephesians 1:7

Around my mid 30's a new word started to define my life. That word is redemption. God's redemption didn't replace His grace, rather, it complimented it. As you see from the verse above in Ephesians, grace and redemption go hand-in-hand. I know God's redeeming love has always been with me, but around that time in my life, the circumstances of that period of my life gave redemption a whole new meaning to me. I was walking through another "growth spurt," in other words, I was going through a difficult time where God was molding me and growing my faith. Some of the things I had began to "expect" to always be there for me, were being moved around and even some were being completely removed from my life. I'm sure many of you can relate to how uncomfortable it is to be removed from your "comfort zone." That's when God's sweet redemption was poured out on me. Our God is a REDEEMER and whatever He takes from us is for our own good and He is ALWAYS faithful to redeem and ALWAYS gives back in great measure. In my case, I count everything I lost as well worth all He gave back to me because of my faith and obedience to His call on my life.

Therefore, sweet daughters, please know that nothing you ever experience in life keeps you from the grace and remption of God's amazing love. Absolutely nothing can keep you from your Heavenly Father that loves you so much that He spread out His arms and died for YOU!

Letting Go....

"The past should not be a place where we live, but something from which we learn." -Stormie Omartian

I read this quote the other day from "The Power of a Praying Wife." This quote had a profound effect on me as I'm currently in a season of life where I have truly let go of many of the troubles in my past that I've carried with me for a very long time. High School is not necessarily all happy memories for me. In fact, those were some of my most difficult years in my life. Many would probably be surprised that I feel this way since I appeared to do just fine with friends and I was even a cheerleader, but the appearance differed greatly from my reality. My lack of self confidence at the time, combined with depression and not ever feeling that I FULLY fit in with my group of friends, had left me with hard feeling about that era of my life. From the moment my daughters were born, I began to wonder if their high school years would be as painful as mine. That is something that I have had to let go of and give it to God. But lately, I've been able to let go of many of those not-so-fond memories and refocus my mind on the good times. Believe it or not, this came about through Facebook and our ever redeeming Lord. I originally joined FB well over a year ago at the urging of my young coworkers that I worked with at my former church. When God called me away from that church, I began to realize that about 90% of my FB friends were from that church. That realization left me with the feeling that I was walking away from all my friends, even though that wasn't reality. Thus began my journey of reconnecting with people from my past. I started out "friending" some former classmates that I grew up with from elementary school through high school. Then, before I knew it, that group kept growing and we were sharing so many funny stories from long ago. I began to realize, that there were plenty of happy times, I had just let them be overshadowed by the unhappy times. I also realized that the passing of nearly 20 years, causes people to let go of old grudges and refocus on who we are today. Best of all, the person I am today is a very happy person, confident in myself and filled with God-given purpose for my life. Along with connecting with childhood friends, I also began reuniting with old college and sorority friends. We share stories and old photos and I laugh.....A LOT!!!

My purpose in sharing this with you is so that you can find comfort in that whatever heartache you are dealing with now, will come to pass and God will always be faithful to redeem! He most definitely redeemed me by letting go of the old and welcoming in the new relationships I've established with the same people from long ago.

Marriage Prayer

Since my purpose for this blog is for my daughters to learn and grow from all I have learned in life, I have decided to share with them something special I do for them nearly every day. So, here we go:

I have been praying since you were born that God would prepare the perfect husband for each of you. As much as I pray that you will grow up to be Godly women, I think it’s just as important that your future spouses be Godly men. When I met Dad, both of us had grown up in the church, but neither one of us were truly walking in relationship with God. We didn’t fully hand our lives over to God until a few years down the road. We now look back on that time and realize that even though we loved each other, we couldn’t fully experience true love until we put God first in our lives and loved ourselves for who God created us to be. We have watched as several of our friends have gone through divorce and the heartbreak it brings to everyone involved. I think, actually, I KNOW that the reason Dad and I still love each other, even more now than when we first married, is because we have made God the center of our marriage.

It is so important that you only date young men that love the Lord. I pray that you love the Lord so much that you won’t compromise on this. Only a man who loves the Lord and wants Him at the center of your relationship will fully love you for who you are, show you the utmost respect and be the kind of husband you deserve in your lives.

So, I know that marriage is still years away for both of you, but I pray now that God is working in the lives of my future son-in-laws. I also pray that someday when you have kids of your own, you will do the same for them. I love you! Mom

The Passing of Time

Today I was doing my devotion in my Journaling Bible and was reading in Colossians. I came across some highlighted scripture, Colossians 3:12-17, that I journaled about just over a year before. As I read what I had written a year before, I realized how much had changed and how far I'd come in just 1 year. A year ago, we were experiencing so much change and it was uncomfortable and hurtful. I had to remind myself each day that God is in control and His plans are always better than mine. Now, as I reflect on the last year, I can see how faithful God has been and how He has walked this journey with us to lead us to the incredible place we are now.

That got me thinking about my life growing up. There were so many times, I can't even begin to count them, that I was going through a really tough time and couldn't imagine things ever being okay again. My heart would ache and I would drown myself in pity. I wasn't walking with God back then, so getting through those times was so difficult because I was trying to do it on my own. If only I knew the healing love of Jesus back then, I wouldn't have been going at it alone. I could have given all my worries to Him and know that He was working all things for His good. I could have rested peacefully in His assurance. But, even then, the troubles passed and I did get through it, it was just harder, longer and lonely.

My point is that no matter how troublesome some things can be, you WILL get through them. Most of all, if you allow God to take control of the situation, He will CARRY you through it and ALWAYS bring you to a better place than you were before.

I pray that you learn from me and even the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years before reaching the Promised Land. Allow God to lead you, don't try to take control and God will lead you right into your own Promised Land.

"And we know that for those that love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Celebrating 15 Years of Marriage

It's hard to believe, but just a few days ago, John and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary! It's amazing how the years have passed so quickly. Even more amazing is that we started dating 4 years before we even got married. I have spent more of my life with John than I lived before I met him. I feel so blessed that God chose John to be my husband. As far as marriages go, I feel like I hit the jackpot! We almost never fight and we tend to always be thinking about the same things without even saying a word outloud. It's like we have that "twin thing"
going on. God's Hand has always been on this marriage. I'm amazed all He has done for us and through us. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters that we praise God for daily. Our prayers are that God will provide K and M with Godly husbands and that they'll have a strong marriage like ours. God's given us the ability to buy, then sell, then buy another beautiful home. The last 15 years haven't all been easy, we've had our share of medical scares, surgeries and difficult recoveries, the loss of loved ones and other hard times, but we count those all as building blocks to get where we are today and be the people God wants us to be for Him, for our children and for each other. We look forward to another 15 years and beyond as we continue to grow old together with God as the center of our family.

Standing up for What's Right

It's not always easy to do what's right, especially when everyone around you is doing the opposite of what's right. "Going with the flow" might seem like the easy choice at that moment, but trust me when I say, that decision will soon cause you more and more discomfort and slowly eat away at you. In most cases, that discomfort will never go away and will be with you for the rest of your life. You might eventually learn to live with that guilty feeling, but it will aways be there, that is, until you turn to God and repent. I pray you never have to feel that horrible pain, but should you make that mistake, and you probably will, I urge you to learn quickly that only God can provide you with the peace that will comfort you. Often times standing up for what you know is right will cost you (relationships, popularity, maybe even a job) but when you stand up for what's right because it's the right, Godly thing to do, none of what you lose will even come close to all that you will gain through God's blessings. God ALWAYS redeems and He WILL reward you for your obedience. "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14

"If only I knew then what I know now"

Growing up, I heard the following statement all the time, "If only I knew then, what I know now!" I remember thinking as a teenager that I wouldn't ever need to say that because I already knew it all. I thought I was the most mature teenager ever and that I never needed to mature more because I had already reached the height of maturity. WOW, I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG! I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I think of my foolishness. Maturity is an ever growing process and can't be "maxed out" like a credit card. Now, I do believe that you can take 2 people of the same age and 1 of them might be several years ahead of the other in terms of maturity, but overall, as a general rule, one never reaches full maturity (at least in my opinion) until they die, in which they're at their full maturity because they're dead!

I believe this so much that I will confess right now that I still have some maturing to do. I'm not saying I'm immature, I'm just saying that I know from experience that in another 10 years, I'll look back and say, "If only I knew then, what I know now." This process will continue my entire life.

This also applies to Spiritual Maturity. When we come to Christ, we are "baby Christians." We've received just enough knowledge about Christ to hand over our lives to Him. As we grow in our knowledge of Christ and begin to trust Him more and more, we grow in Spiritual maturity. I think the biggest difference between growing in life maturity and growing in Spiritual maturity is that life forces us to continue to grow, where as we are more "in charge" of our Spiritual maturity. If you're not continually working at growing in your relationship with God through prayer, scripture knowledge, devotions, etc. you not only will stop growing, but you can actually regress. I pray I never again get to a point in my walk with the Lord that I become complacent. The enemy loves nothing more than to see Christians fall backwards in their faith. He doesn't have to hard on non believers because they are already where he wants them. It's believers that he has to work hard on to get them to stop walking with God. Be on guard always!

So, to my precious daughters and any other young women reading this, YOU DON'T KNOW IT ALL! You may be mature for your age, but you are not fully mature. Enjoy the innocence of your youth now and let God mold you into maturity as HE WISHES.

True Joy

Probably the most important thing I can ever tell you about is how to find true JOY in life. It took me more than 30 years to figure it out and I pray that you will find it much quicker than I did! When I say the word "joy" I mean complete and utter happiness, living and loving life to its fullest. I'm not saying you'll never have hard times or sadness in life, but you can choose to live with joy in your life and that joy will bring you through those difficult times.

Throughout my life I looked for things that would bring me joy, but always came up disappointed. I would achieve temporary joy, sometimes lasting a year, sometimes lasting an hour. The problem was that I was trying to achieve it from people, shopping, food, anything new and exciting. When I was younger, I would rearrange my room once a month. I loved that "new" feeling. The problem with that is that you eventually get used to things and that new feeling fades. When I would try to find joy in people, be it friends or boyfriends, people are human and always disappoint at some time or another. In high school, I always had boyfriends. I thought if I had someone in my life, they could keep that joy going. That was FAR from the truth. In fact, it did the opposite, often leading to pressure, fighting and unhappiness. I wasted away my high school years with boyfriends that always disappointed me. In the mean time, I watched friends who weren't tied down by boyfriends spending time together, having fun, without a jealous boyfriend questioning their every move. I look back and feel like I lost out on so much. I pray that my girls won't tie them down with "serious" relationships in their teen years. I pray they will use those years to enjoy their friends, group date and not be tied down. Now, I'm not against boyfriends, as long as they don't consume their lives, keeping them from friends and activities and spark fits of jealousy.

So, where did I find joy? God! He is the only thing in life that is perfect, flawless and loving. Once I handed over my entire life to Him, including my worries, fears, anxiety, EVERYTHING, I experienced peace that only He can bring. The Holy Spirit filled me with the confidence that I always lacked. I still catch myself worrying, relying on myself instead of Him, the difference is that now that I am disciplined in His Word, I always step back and let Him take control again. This didn't come instantly when I became a Christian. It was a process as I grew in my Christian walk and it's an ongoing process. That's why it's important to constantly stay in the Word, if you don't, you'll find yourself slowly taking control back away from God.

There you have it, TRUE JOY can ONLY come from God!

Welcome

I'm so glad I'm taking the time to do this. I've always wanted to keep a "diary" for the both of you, but outside of your baby books and photo albums, I haven't done that. I am, however, working on a VERY SPECIAL project for each of you that you will receive on your 18th birthdays. I know that seems so far from now, but I can't believe how quickly the years have passed since you've been born. I want you to know how much I love and want the best for you. I wish I could teach you all you need to know through the mistakes I've made, so that you never have to make any yourselves, but I know that's not realistic. I also know, that if it weren't for the challenging moments in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Most of all, if there is one thing I never want you to forget, it is this: God made you just the way He wants you to be and He loves you and the ONLY way to find true joy in life (and I mean the kind of pure joy that makes you happy and fulfilled), is to have a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ!

Now, even though I started this blog for you, Kiley and Makenna, it is also for the handful of young women in my life that I love and I want the best in life for them. I know you all won't always follow my advice, but all I ask is that when you make mistakes in life, turn to JESUS! He is always there waiting for you and He'll always forgive you. Also, you can ALWAYS come to me, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE! There is nothing you can do that can keep you from my love. I mean that with all that I am.

If you came across my blog by mistake, I hope you enjoy it. You are more than welcome to read it and comment on it (just so you know, I preview all comments before they can post). I am always happy to share how to find joy in life, so I welcome you!